#angry writing so bad grammar bad everything but spelling because thank you autocorrect

[spectrumlife99]

So mad right now can't even calm down so tired so DONE everyone thinks they know me better than I do myself and tell me I can do much stuff and tell me I don't give enough credit and can do all the things I say I can't but it's OVERESTIMATING ME and overestimation is killing me mentally I can't even and I KNOW myself I KNOW what's possible and not possible and they DON’T and I'm so mad mad mad upset upset upset and don't know how to tell them and make them get it they're treating me like child and putting way to much pressure on me all at once can't stand it I wish they understood its so painful they dismiss my issues and struggles and it hurts and being put on pedestal hurts and can't stand it can't stand it CAN'T STAND IT its damaging and they say I'm so 'high-functioning' and I hate that hate it HATE IT it dismisses my VERY REAL issues like can't live on my own can't get a job can't even THINK about jobs without having meltdown because so stressful so triggering EVERYTHING about it is too much and can't do it can't do it CAN'T DO IT wish I knew how to make them understand I DO know myself BETTER than they THINK they do but they don't get it I don't know how to make them get it and I can't stand it can't stand it CAN’T STAND IT!!!!!

[emo-toaster]

We're getting somewhere! I wrote this chapter yay! I'm sorry you had to wait, but unlike with the other chapters I didn't get an instant idea on this one + I was sick and felt like crap for about 2 days ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ

This chapter contains: fluff and angst >:D

Warning!: English is my second language. If you find any errors in my writing, please understand. I used autocorrect to help me with my grammar and spelling, so I'm deeply sorry if any mistakes were made. Dyslexia + writing in a second language = challenging task (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

Word count: 4,6k

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Beauty and the Beast

Miko is still going somehow.

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Chapter 5: something there

A loud, angry hiss left Gyutaro's lips as you slowly pressed a wet cloth against the gash on his back caused by the wolf attack. His body twitched, moving away from the wet fabric that bought the painful stinging to his injury. He was currently lying on a futon in his room, which got a bit tidied up to actually resemble a bedroom, angry and unamused. The very room he tried to keep away from you and everyone else was now full of people, fussing over him as if he was a baby, it really had to be a bad joke. And you, you were the worst of them all, you walked in here, then ran away and got yourself in danger, causing him to have to go after you and now…you were the one literally torturing him. Well, it wasn't torture, but rather cleaning up his wounds, but it felt the same as torture!

“Stop it! It hurts!” Gyutaro snarled, moving away from you with a clear frown on his face. You could see his chest moving as he breathed in and out slowly, clearly exhausted after everything that happened tonight.

“If you'd hold still, it wouldn't hurt as much.” You answered, moving closer to him and slightly tilting your head to better see the wound.

“Well, if you hadn't have run away, this wouldn't have happened.” Gyutaro huffed in response, mumbling curses to himself, trying to get comfortable on the futon.

“If you hadn't frightened me, I wouldn't have run away!” You answered with a small frown on your face, seriously getting tired of this.

“Well, you shouldn't have been snooping around without my permission!” He added with a smirk on his face, feeling triumphant with this great argument of his.

“Well, you should learn to control your temper!” You answered, smirking too, seeing him tensing up in defeat. Your face softened afterwards, remembering what he did for you and that he was hurt right now, it actually made you feel bad for him. Slowly, you continued cleaning his wound, this time being a bit gentler, trying to do it softly and carefully so it wouldn't sting. Your actions quickly brought productive results because Gyutaro stopped moving around and actually calmed down, letting you actually help him.

“Uh…by the way, thank you— you saved my life.” You said softly, causing Gyutaro's head to perk up. His eyes looked at you, softening a bit after he heard what you said. This actually felt good; being appreciated helped the cursed prince deal with all the feelings rushing through his mind right now.

“You’re welcome…” He answered, his voice was softer this time. There was undeniable warmth going through him, he felt all nice and tingly inside. Gyutaro was confused, not sure what to make out of all this, but slowly he accepted the fact that he didn't hate you as much as he thought he did.

Once your work was finished, you slowly got up, looking down at Gyutaro. He seemed so peaceful now, it was a nice change, seeing him calm and quiet, not on edge and screaming constantly. Now, it will be your job to help him out a bit, not because others couldn't do it, but because you felt as if you owe it to him for saving you. You left his room, wanting to give him some space for now, after sliding the door closed, you turned around just to see Douma, Kotoha and Akaza staring at you impatiently.

“So…how did it go?” Douma hummed, smiling at you, awaiting your reply.

“It was alright. He's doing okay.” You answered, rubbing the back of your neck, feeling a bit awkward.

“That's great, I was growing so worried…” Kotoha chimed in, sighing deeply with relief as a soft smile appeared on her face. You wondered what was truly going on in this castle, if you'll be staying here, you might as well get a grasp on what's actually happening around you.

“Please, tell me, why are you here? Why won't you leave? What happened here? I was in his room, he's hiding something. Please, tell me what it is, I can feel it eating me up from the inside!” A soft sigh left Kotoha at your questions and pleas, Douma became a bit more serious as well, avoiding your gaze.

“We can't really leave. Believe or not, we're all cursed here.” Akaza sighed, turning his head away, not willing to say anything more. Douma then lifted his head, wanting to give you some more context.

“Look, we're bound to this place not only by that curse, but also by some way too complicated stuff. Don't worry yourself with all this, it's a lot of process.” He hummed, putting on a smile as if it was his way of coping with everything. You slowly began noticing things that were hidden before.

“You're cursed? Why? What happened?” You asked immediately, but you doubted that you'd actually receive an answer.

“Oh well, it's a long story, but it's not ours to tell. Forgive us for not being able to explain everything, but it's a sensitive topic…” Kotoha answered almost immediately. You could feel the awkward silence that grew between all of you, it felt pretty strange. You understood that whatever happened, it was a rather painful memory for all of them, and it wasn't easy to deal with it.

“Can I help somehow?” You asked, wanting to make them feel better. Seeing them like this brought some pain into your heart. After all, a few hours earlier they were all so happy, and now they were like the shells of their former selves.

“Uh— well, there is a—” Douma was about to say something, but Akaza nudged him with his shoulder, successfully silencing the candelabra for a moment.

“Don't worry about it, you've already helped a lot by bringing Master back to the castle and taking care of him, we'll be forever grateful.” Kotoha smiled warmly at you, actually lifting your spirits a bit, but more curiosity rose within you.

“Why do you care so much for him?” You asked, looking at the three of them, hoping for an actual answer now.

“You see, we've been around him for a rather long time, it's almost as if we're a family— maybe an odd one, but still.” Douma answered, shrugging as Kotoha nodded along. They had a bond, almost a familial one, but you couldn't help but think about it some more. That painting you saw earlier, you wanted to know who these people were! Douma, Kotoha and Akaza weren't telling you everything, that was painfully obvious, but it was even more infuriating when you knew that something was up.

.

.

.

For the next few days, you were looking for your answers, but to no avail. There was simply no one who was willing to tell you at least a word. Maybe it was all just pointless? Perhaps you were just wasting your time? Who knows. When you began falling into a train of thoughts, a soft groan made you focus back on what was actually happening. You finished changing Gyutaro's bandages, putting the old ones aside. It seemed that he got used to you being around, because you swore that not even one angry grumble escaped his lips when you were around. Perhaps your presence just stopped bothering you? Well, Gyutaro was also puzzled by this change. It seemed like his earlier plan backfired on him. “You can influence those you take care of”, funny. Now that you were taking care of him, it seemed as if you began influencing his behaviour instead. Even though things started looking better, there still was this awkward silence between you two.

Gyutaro never knew what to say, and you didn't really start the conversation, so it was difficult to build a bond of any kind. It honestly infuriated Gyutaro, more than he'd like to admit. Every day he had to look at the magic rose in the corner of the room, seeing the very few petals that were left. His time was running out, and he knew that very well, so knowing that starting a conversation with you was something almost impossible to him made him feel bitter and irritated.

“Does it still hurt?” You asked, looking at Gyutaro, who shifted on the futon into a more comfortable position, letting out a soft yawn. Recently, all of his mornings got rather lazy. For the past few days, he's been stuck in bed, not really moving around the castle much. Most of the time he slept, which actually improved his well-being. He really needed some rest, but it didn't change the fact that he was still rather moody.

“ehh… I told you already, I'm fine. It's just a scratch now. There's no need to fuss over me, man…quit it.” he croaked out as a small scowl showed up on his face. The cursed prince slowly brought his hand to his cheek, scratching it, just like he always did.

“You really should stop scratching yourself, last time you did that you were literally clawing at your flesh. It's not good for you.” You said softly, actually scolding him for his bad habits. You didn't even notice when your hand moved towards his, gently moving it away from his cheek before he actually damaged his skin again. Gyutaro's eyebrows shot up at what happened, causing him to look up at you with both a puzzled and amused look on his face.

“Ah, and what are you now, my new nanny?” He chuckled, moving his hand away from yours, still not really trusting you. You began to grow annoyed with your behaviour, and he's been like this ever since you brought him back to the castle. But it clearly was the time to change that!

“Well, maybe you need one, since you're acting pretty immature in my opinion.” You sighed, rubbing the bridge of your nose as you watched him turn his head away with a huff, acting offended.

“Eh…you're no fun, y’know?” He muttered, curling up on his futon with a soft groan leaving his lips. This statement actually caught your attention. Was he teasing you in one way or another? Well, he certainly stopped pushing you away as much as before, that was new, and you didn't really mind that change. It was still better than him throwing a damn sickle at you, so you decided to play along.

“Who says I'm no fun? You just didn't give me a proper chance to prove myself.” You responded, crossing your arms against your chest, immediately getting him to continue.

“Yeah? Well, enlighten me, then. What's so fun about you, eh…?” Gyutaro snicked, lifting one of his thin eyebrows up.

“Well, I'd say my mind is pretty sharp, I read a lot, that's why. I'm pretty good at many things, I can take care of myself, that's for sure.” You answered, trying to sound confident, just to warn a chuckle from the monster.

“Take care of yourself? Please…if I didn't follow you when ya ran away, you'd be dead. Gobbled up by wild beasts~” he smirked, showing off his sharp teeth, but this time, his smile was rather teasing. He wasn't that intimidating, it all seemed so different now.

“Trust me, I'm usually great at taking care of myself. I just never had to deal with this kind of stuff!” You tried to protest, but you gave up after hearing Gyutaro chuckling some more.

“Well, you can explain yourself as much as you like. Say, you were saying something about reading?” He murmured as if he was testing you, wanting to see how you'd answer.

“Yes. I've read a few books, actually, and they were really life-changing. Like Romeo and Juliet, one of the popular books in the west. There is a library in my town, it was truly life-saving.” You hummed, remembering all those times when the books saved you from the disappointing reality, at least for a moment. It wasn't a surprise that Gyutaro cringed a bit after hearing that, not understanding the appeal of the book you just mentioned.

“Oh, well. You're one of those people who enjoy this kind of literature? Hm…there's a ton of better books. ” Gyutaro grumbled before an idea popped up in his head. “I could show you—”

Now he had your attention. You gave him a soft nod, wondering what was about to happen. This weird tingly feeling sparked inside Gyutaro once more, but this time it was stronger. Some panic took over him as later on he led you through the long hallways of the castle before stopping in front of a particular pair of doors.

“I…uh…the castle has been storing a lot of information sources. Poetry, history, facts— it's all here. Well, you'll find out for yourself. Now, do you trust me with this?” He asked, sounding…soft, for the very first time. When he saw you nodding again, he slowly took your hands in his, leading you into the room.

“Take a look around, you should find something interesting for sure.” Gyutaro added, looking around the room as you did the same. Rows of books were visible from where you were standing. Everything was neatly placed on dark wooden shelves, bringing a sense of peace over you. The room was nice and tidy, and most importantly, filled to the brim with books.

“I have never seen so many books in my entire life…” You said softly, slowly walking around, looking at all the bookshelves surrounding you. Gyutaro gulped softly, his Adam's apple bobbed before he stepped closer to you, smiling softly. It was the very first time you saw him smile so genuinely. Earlier he'd just smirk or flash you a malicious grin, but this time his smile was soft, genuine and happy.

“You like it…?” He croaked out, feeling his heart speeding up as you slid your hands back in his. Today was the very first time you held hands with him, feeling their roughness, but also strange softness. Even if the skin was dry and calloused, it was still pleasant to hold.

“I do. It's wonderful…” When you smiled back at him right after saying that, the cursed prince felt as if something had exploded inside him, causing a pleasant warmth to spread through his whole body.

There was something more to him, now you actually could see it. Once you both came to an understanding, everything became so much better, so suddenly. You were honestly doubting if all of this was even real. He was acting like a completely different person.

It was the very first time when he felt good after…after what happened all those years ago. It still pained him to this day, everything that he's gone through, everything that was taken away from him. Looking back at it all, this room brought him a few of those painful memories back, causing his heart to ache a bit.

“You should check out some of those books…maybe you'll find something interesting.” He said softly, letting go of your hands as his smile dropped a bit. All those bad feelings began culminating in him again, he was about to start clawing at his flesh again, but he stopped himself, remembering what you said earlier. It wasn't good for him. But he was already hurting on the inside, what difference would it make if he’d be hurting on the outside too? He didn't know how to deal with all this, it was too much for him to handle at the moment. Gyutaro felt as if he was about to explode, before he felt a hand on his shoulder. You didn't move from your spot even one bit. You just stood there, looking at him with this damn concerned look on your face. He wanted to get angry and just lash out, to solve his problems the easy way, but last time he did that, you ran away from the castle straight into danger, and he didn't like that outcome.

Gyutaro was confused. He didn’t know how to act, what to do. On one hand he wanted to say something, to explain himself at least so you’d understand, but on the other hand talking about some things was just straight up painful to him, and he didn’t know how to deal with the emotions that would accompany those painful memories.

“You…don’t have to stand here like this. Go check out the books…” He muttered a bit harshly. “I said GO!”. The cursed prince immediately regretted raising his voice, after all, he made it without getting aggressive so far, and now it was all lost as he saw you slightly tensing up at his harsh command. Gyutaro took a step away, backing up against the wall, wanting to hide in a corner and just sit there, sulking.

“I’m sorry…” He muttered out, losing some of his previous confidence. He didn’t like looking at you when you were scared, it just brought more pain. You reminded him so much of the past, without even looking like the person that was dearest to him. How did this even work?! All the shame, hatred and disgust he felt for himself began rising in him even more ever since you arrived, ever since he didn’t treat you like his mortal enemy any more. You weren’t his enemy, that he managed to understand after some struggle. Ever since his life went downhill, he’s been wary of others, especially strangers. You weren’t a stranger, not after that night when you ran away and he saved you. If you weren’t an enemy, then were you a friend? No, he couldn’t call you a friend yet, right? He didn’t deserve to call you a friend, he didn’t deserve anything good happening to him. He deserved to be cursed, alone and in a cold, dark castle away from the outside world. That’s what Gyutaro told himself, that’s how it’s supposed to be. He would never forgive himself all the bad stuff that happened because of him, the only person he cared for was gone and it was only his fault. You’ll be gone too sooner or later, he was sure of it. Every time he has a little god-damn ray of freaking sunshine, the world will take it away from him, he will take it away from himself.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gyutaro lifted his head up, looking at your face after he heard your voice. Did he want to talk? He wasn’t sure, he never told anyone about what happened. Douma, Akaza, Koyuki, they all knew what happened, they never brought it up because it drove Gyutaro crazy with rage when he had to go through those painful memories. He never talked about what was bugging him, so maybe it was a good moment to start? He was afraid, he was never vulnerable with anyone besides…her. How did it happen that he was scared of even mentioning her name? It was bad, he knew it was bad, so maybe, just maybe…he should face his problem.

“I do.” Gyutaro gulped, feeling himself tensing up. This will be hard for him, he knew it, but he wasn’t a coward, the prince could handle it.

“I had a sister. Her name was…Ume.” He croaked out, feeling his lower lip trembling. It was crushing him from the inside, but he kept going, wanting to try to get this off his chest.

“We weren’t born here, we weren’t meant to be royalty. Well, at least I wasn’t.” Gyutaro sighed, slightly relaxing his body, wanting to tell you everything.

“I was something you would call a street rat when I was a child. A beggar. Nobody, a damn, worthless nobody. I was truly a pathetic sight, at least until Ume was born. My little sister was absolutely gorgeous, a little angel. She was my pride and joy, you better believe it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to give her the life she deserved. We were lucky to even have dinner sometimes, but all that changed when royalty showed up in this damn hellhole I called my home. I think it was just my sick luck, but a powerful ruler took a liking to me, praising me for my strength and values. My little sister and I were brought to this castle, adopted and raised into becoming royals ourselves. No one outside this damn castle knew about this, so I could finally get something out of my life and not worry about anyone destroying it. My sister was happy too, she was always my little princess, and now I was able to treat her like one, proving to her and myself that I wasn’t a shitty brother after all. She grew up to be a bit harsh, just like her brother…but I loved her too much to care that I was a bad influence. The man who took us in began teaching me his ways, making me into something far greater than I could ever become solely on my own. I would fight for him, kill for him, destroy for him, well, at least he thought I was doing it for him. I still remember the disappointment and anger on his face when instead of joining him in battle, I rushed back home to my sister. That man understood that my sister was my priority. That’s when he left. I never understood why, where or how. No one did. That man just disappeared, maybe creating another kingdom for himself somewhere else…” Gyutaro huffed, looking at your face as you listened to him. Not wanting to keep you curious, he continued.

“That’s when everything became shitty for us. When Master disappeared, I took his place. Our lands became a common target, making me go over to slaughter all those who dared to try and take away what was now mine. I was away from home so often, My sister was left without my protection and then…” He paused, gulping softly as his eyes glazed with tears. He didn’t want to let them fall, but he failed. “Then they burned her.” He growled, tightening his fists.

“Our castle was of course defended, but a damn samurai sneaked in with the help of Ume’s maid. I came back just in time to kill them both, but my sister was long gone afterwards. I couldn’t find her body…there was no sign of her…and then another night a woman came and….” He paused again, turning his head away.

“The rest is not important.” He gulped, wanting to just go and mourn it all alone…but he felt a pair of arms wrapping around him. Gyutaro let out a small, surprised groan as you hugged him. For a moment he wasn’t sure what to do, but after a few seconds he hugged you back, letting out a pained sniffle, letting himself let some of that pain out.

“If I was quick enough and…if I…’’ He mumbled before you shushed him, causing him to hug you tighter.

“You did all you could.” You cooed, snuggling up closer to him, trying to ease some of his pain. Even if he wouldn’t get over something so traumatic in one day, you could already see some improvement. He wasn’t bottling up his emotions any more, at least not as much as before.

“I never regretted anything in my life. I don’t regret what I became, I don’t regret being a monster at all, damn, I even like what I am now. But I can’t forgive myself failing her. I’m ashamed that by becoming who I am now, I influenced her in a bad way…”

You sat with Gyutaro for a longer time period after that. It was the first time he got any type of emotional support. He sat there with you, curled up, looking almost like a sad kitten as you tried to console him. He listened to your voice as you read him books, trying to put him at ease. After what he told you, you finally understood him a little, he was hurting greatly. To be honest, you both missed someone you loved very much. You could see the monster slowly calming down, listening to your voice as you occasionally stroked his hair or back, bringing him the comfort he very much needed.

After that day, things changed. Gyutaro began acting like someone else entirely, if it was even possible for him. Well, he wasn’t a brand-new person of course, but he became calmer, softer and kinder when it came to you. You could say that you began filling up the void he had in himself. Gyutaro found a safe space of sorts by your side, making him grow a bit attached to you. You never expected to become friends with him, but it happened somehow. You two would take walks around the garden, read in the library together; well, it was you who was reading. Gyutaro would often just listen and fall asleep to the sound of your voice, which never failed to lull him into peaceful slumber. He became less tense when around you, finally feeling safe himself. Having dinner with him became a pleasure instead of a nightmare like before, slowly you began noticing his other, good traits. He was protective, playful, quite sly, but at the same time a bit self-conscious. Seeing him light up after every praise he got from you was truly heart-warming. Maybe you really did it? Maybe you really tamed this damn monster? No…you’d never say that you tamed Gyutaro. You made him your friend, there was no taming needed. He was no wild animal, he was a person. A person you grew to slowly appreciate.

For the first time in a very long time, you felt happy and at peace. Finally living your best life for at least a moment. Every day seemed so peaceful and relaxing, having him by your side as you two walked through the garden which was covered in snow. Your conversations became more and more interesting and personal over time and you didn't have to fish for information that much. Learning more about him came in naturally now, without every attempt on getting any sort of information ending up in a heated argument or a life threatening adventure. Things were just as they should be.

.

.

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“What are you reading?” You hummed, coming up to Gyutaro and sitting down next to him. The cursed prince quickly put the book away, shifting his attention to you almost immediately.

“Eh… Nothing important...” He croaked out, lowering his head a bit. You looked at him and then at the little book in his hands.

“Is that a romance novel?” You asked with a small smile, seeing Gyutaro blush a bit in embarrassment, not really knowing how to respond.

“I guess…” He muttered, soon enough gulping softly as you leaned against him a bit.

“I’m happy that you’re trying out something new.” A soft sigh left your lips when you two sat like this together, enjoying the silence. Well, the silence didn’t last long because Douma screamed loudly, running away as Akaza chased after him. A soft chuckle left your lips and soon enough Gyutaro did the same. His laugh became precious to you with time, it wasn’t a cruel cackle any more, at least. Well, he still sounders as if he smoked 50 cigarettes a day, but you didn’t mind.

“They know how to have fun…” You smiled, looking up at Gyutaro who's lips also formed a tiny grin.

“I suppose so…but when I enter the room, laughter magically dies.” He exhaled heavily, resting his chin on his hand.

“I guess I know what you mean. I get the same treatment back home. People would often call me funny…but it wasn’t a complement. It makes you lonely at some point, just like in your castle. Gyutaro perked up almost immediately, giving you a puzzled look.

“For real? Aww, man…that sucks. Your village is straight up terrible.” He snickered, making you roll your eyes and nudge his shoulder playfully.

‘’But, you make the loneliness go away.” You added, causing Gyutaro to look at you with a serious look on his face. His heart slowly melted at the statement, making him lean against you as well, just like you leaned against him.

“Same goes for you. You make it all better...” He sighed quietly, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish, crooked smile on his face

“Really?” When you asked him that, Gyutaro nodded, agreeing immediately with what he just said.

“Yeah…really.” He repeated.

Silence fell over you two again, but you didn't seem to mind. It was comfortable. When he was around, silence was never a problem.

But little did you know that some stuff started happening behind your back. Oh, it was Douma's clever plan on supporting Gyutaro from the shadows. Well, as much as he loved to be in the spotlight, Akaza was making sure that everything was going just right. Every dinner had to be perfect and feel a bit like a date, every alone time you and Gyutaro got had to be quiet, perfect and romantic. Well, there was nothing to lose. The rose was slowly losing it's petals, time was running out, so something had to be done. The biggest surprise was planned to happen in a few days, the grand finale! Everyone was already working hard on bringing their fantasy to life. When you weren't looking, Gyutaro himself made sure that every detail was perfect. That night would be something you'll never forget, and it had to be grand, luxurious and beautiful, a date like no other.

The curse will be broken, and everyone in the castle planned on making sure of it, there was no doubt.

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And we're done! I hope you didn't mind the wait. I don't want to disappoint anyone tbh. Believe it or not, but I'm really damn conscious about this fic since it's the first one that I posted online ( ≧Д≦)

Anyways! Have a good day/night!